Rejection

Rejection is a brutal thing to experience. Nobody wants to be rejected, especially if they just showed you the best version of who they are and why they deserve your love.

I work in academic research. I get rejected all the time. The high frequency of rejections forces you learn how to numb the pain, limit the amount of time you spend at your own pity party, and pick up the pieces to start over again.

One type of rejection that scientists like me often experience is the road to getting money for research, which boils down to a few things: We put our intelligence and ideas out on the line, and get about a 97% chance of having them rejected. The process looks something like this. I come up with an incredibly interesting and important scientific question about a natural biological phenomenon (something like: how does an embryonic stem cell know how to become something else, like a neuron, or a kidney cell, or a red blood cell?), I come up with a great idea to experimentally answer said question. In fact, I come up with several great ideas so that the experimental designs reinforce one another, and to have an alternative way of getting to that answer just in case one of the designs doesn't work out. I write a long scientific proposal to explain why answering this question is critical for mankind, important for the betterment of general biological understanding, AND will for sure cure cancer one day. I tell them all about my many grand ideas and why the methods that I came up with are the only hope the field will have to answer said question. Concurrently, I must ensure them that my experimental ideas are well thought out and will DEFINITELY work! If not, I've got all these other alternatives --list several other great ideas. I spend weeks preparing this document. Illustrating the problem and the experimental ideas through my own words, past research done by other people, and pretty pictures. In addition, I write them another document --another sales pitch but this time for myself as a scientist explaining why I am an awesome researcher and why I deserve their love. Look at all these skills I have! Look how many research papers I have published in 5 years! Look at my education! Look at all these techniques I know! Can't you see that I am an exceptional researcher and deserve this money you wanna give to fund research?

I write all of this without sounding as desperate as I feel, of course. And then, 2-4 months go by. I hear nothing. Then an email. Sorry, not so sorry. Out of the hundreds of applicants, we have decided to fund just a few. Money's tight, you know.

REJECTED. But. You don't agree that this is an important problem in biology? You don't think my ideas are good enough? You don't think they're innovative or cutting edge? Or is it that you think I suck as a scientist and don't have much to show? I just ripped out my brain, tied to it a thick string of my undeniable passion for this work, stuck to it a platinum list of all my past accomplishments, and served it to you on a 9-page golden platter! And it's still not good enough?!

WHAT IF. Okay, alright. What do you want? Okay. Got it. I'll fix the problems. How's it now? 2-4 months later. Sorry, not so sorry. We've run out of money. This time, we decided to fund only one researcher. Better luck next year! GAH!

#fellowshipwriting

David Garrett - Vivaldi vs Vertigo